Mitchell
back at it in the saddle or not for episode 22 i’m mitchell and i’m here with my scarlet oh with my lovely wife scarlet yes doing the most alright so we’ll let that fade out and we’ll just move on with the show right you’re listening to let’s do this you’re listening to doing the most with Scarlet and Mitchell this is a bi-weekly podcast we’re on episode 22 we are getting close to the end of the year and yeah

Scarlet
well we received our first Christmas card of the season.

Mitchell
Well, not the show, but you and I, right?

Scarlet
Well, actually, it’s just our first fan mail.

Mitchell
It’s addressed to you.

Scarlet
It says, my name is spelled

Mitchell
correctly here. That’s wonderful.

Scarlet
Scarlet Milliron.

Mitchell
From Shelton. I’m guessing it’s from Meemaw. Yes. Or, like I said, your brother. Based off the

Scarlet
writing style. Oh, Meemaw.

Mitchell
It’s beautiful.

Scarlet
Joy to all. So cute.

Mitchell
It’s a little gnome holding a

Scarlet
look at a little bunny oh it’s a beautiful and oh and she’s in money cha-ching yeah okay five

Mitchell
george washington’s thank you meemaw scarlet and family my name is spelled incorrectly here is that typical for those of you listening a meemaw i love you meemaw that’s a southern

Scarlet
grandma listen to this but if you do i am doing this because i love you and i appreciate you so much she’s doing the most big and small joy at christmas and throughout the year love you all meemaw um give the money to max yes okay well i will do that meemaw i was going to keep it for

Mitchell
myself but you’re right and the women in your like your mother also sends famous christmas cards meemaw always sends cards where is that oh it’s in one of our uh one of our christmas decoration boxes contains that item, that particular wonderful card, which we may want to get. Because when this episode drops, as they say, it will be the Christmas Eve, actually. I might have to drop it a day early so everyone can get there. They’re going to ignore it anyway. What am I saying? Anyway, so.

Scarlet
Feels like you’ve got a lot of faith in.

Mitchell
Nothing, actually. You know? By the way, one of the, I mean, since we’re talking about listeners, and thank you, dear listeners i am i’m always you know i always hate to plug it i only plug the youtube come up the youtube part of the show because you can go to youtube and search you actually yeah i find that you have to actually look for doing the most with scarlet and mitchell there’s a way you could probably do slash uh slash less cats please that’s the handle over there but the channel is doing the most or the you it doesn’t matter we are on youtube go to scarletmitchell.com and you can probably find a link to YouTube if I ever update that website. However, a new listener, she was listening to it, and then she was just getting to know us. I know her a little bit, but she had said, is my camera all wonky, crooked? It doesn’t matter.

Scarlet
No.

Mitchell
It looks like it from my angle. She said, her partner said, oh, I got a sticker for this guy. You may give this to him because this is just like him. A listener gave me this from her partner, which is a sticker. It says, hang on. Let me overthink this. Which is kind of a good motto for me. It is. Hang on. Let me overthink this. Anyway, so episode 22, we’re kicking it off. This camera is actually crooked. The listener doesn’t care about the camera. So you can… I don’t even know what’s on the note list for episode 22, Deuce Deuce.

Scarlet
You’re the one who made the notes. I made it. You want to talk about your newfound…

Mitchell
I made a paper note in the car. So I did do that.

Scarlet
Okay.

Mitchell
And the paper note was just… I was just starting to dump some ideas. And it doesn’t really matter. I don’t know if we’ve kept up. So we did… Did we recently talk about the shower drain? We may have. I don’t know. This ongoing shower drain saga. Yeah, I think we talked about it. Coming through the ceiling and all that. We believe. We believe as of… Two days ago? It doesn’t matter. You don’t care when it was. A few days ago, we believe I have finally fixed the shower drain, and it’s no longer. Yes, thank you. Thank you, everyone. I thank everyone. I knew you could do it. Everyone who supported me in my household and the academy, which was also a whole mess. But we believe it’s fixed. Well, okay. Fixed is, we know it’s not dripping water into the kitchen. That’s all that matters because my next step was going to literally be to put a, like a brownie pan under it and then just seal the ceiling back up and forever let that. And then I thought I could even use like a towel or something in the brownie pan. Oh, wow. So it could do capillary action and like, you know, because it doesn’t drip. It wasn’t leaking that much, just enough. I mean, I fixed it. Anyways, and I could use capillary action and little towels in the brownie pan, like kind of up in the air so it would evaporate so no one ever know because it would never get enough to fill it up which is a really not my kind of thing but i would love engineering it you know i mean that would be fun to engineer but a horrible way to fix something by not really fixing it i mean it’d be the equivalent of uh putting a drain catcher under the drain with a new drain pipe that just goes out the side of the house which would be equally cool and solve the problem but anyway so But you did it. Drain is fixed, which also means because we’ve already… But our tub is still broken. Yes. We already talked about how we had to do the straddle technique in the shower until it was fixed because you couldn’t put weight in the middle of the shower because it flexed the drain and make a leak.

Scarlet
But now that shower is firm. Yeah.

Mitchell
You can stand in the middle. You don’t have to straddle it. You don’t have to do weird like… I would lean against a wall sometimes to move my feet to the same side so I could do a turn. I had all sorts of techniques developed. This is an ongoing thing. Let me overthink this. So, that was on the drain. Wow. Okay. Aside from that, well, I mean, what’s on the… What else is new?

Scarlet
What did you do this week? What did you do last weekend?

Mitchell
Oh, I had a birthday. That’s true.

Scarlet
You did.

Mitchell
Were you trying to cue me on or something?

Scarlet
Yeah.

Mitchell
I had my 51st birthday. I was at work on the day. And by the way, my sweet… I’m going to take my glasses off. I do have new glasses too, but not those. I’m not wearing them. I’m going to have a little sip. So, of tea. So, hmm.

Scarlet
Thank you for not slurping.

Mitchell
that’s good earth. I love the sweet and spice. So I was at work and ahead of time, some of my coworkers knew that it was my birthday, right? And I told them it wasn’t. So then they had done kind of a little, they did a little surprise for me, which was they, I was in a room actually was flushing some Banatrol, doesn’t really matter. It was through someone’s Inge tube. We can talk about those later. And someone called me and said, Hey, where are you? I was like, I’m doing this. Can you come to the break room? I got like a few left on this thing where I’m trying to, you know, put some, give the guy some food through his nose tube. And then I went to the break room and it was a big old surprise. And some people from the other unit come over and everyone was there and they had done one of those, uh, bunt, was it? Oh no.

Scarlet
Everything bunt. Everything bunt cake.

Mitchell
Everything bunt the cake, right?

Scarlet
No, just everything bunt cake.

Mitchell
Oh, everything bunt cake. Okay. Well.

Scarlet
I think.

Mitchell
Well, it seems like the play on words is lost on me now, but no, if I’ve had their little ones i didn’t have a big one before but they had a everything bun cake a big birthday cake for me and some sparkly 51 like we thought we were going to set off the fire alarm because apparently that’s been done before in the break room and it was a fun little thing that’s some cake with good icing it was a wonderful surprise so thank you to the staff at my work i’m not going to mention it and to those that participated it was actually i was very touched by that because um i don’t know i When I last time had like a birthday party and it was like a little quick little lunch birthday party.

Scarlet
Oh, do you wish you had more birthday parties?

Mitchell
Well, I’m usually anti-birthday. I’m usually kind of the grinch of birthdays. And then every year I’m like, this year is going to be different. This year I’m going to approach it differently. I’m going to be not so, I don’t know where that comes from. Part of me is kind of like, it’s just another day, folks. And like, why celebrate me? Which sounds I know you’re like, ooh, because I am kind of selfish. But I was also, I’m usually like, yeah. It’s not a retention-y. Yeah. Except on my birthday. I just, and I’m not one of those, oh, hide it from people. You know, I’m not like that. I just, I don’t, I don’t know. It’s not a, so that, but that was pleasant and nice. And I think I’ve worked most of my birthdays in recent years, not on purpose. It just kind of falls out that way. So, but you have a birthday coming up too soon. So don’t you? Yeah. The ours are closer together than I forget. I know. Less than a month apart. And then it’s always like, oh, shoot, I better hurry up.

Scarlet
I know.

Mitchell
Because it is important to you.

Scarlet
Pretty much everything I was going to get you for Christmas, I got you for your birthday.

Mitchell
Hey, that’s okay.

Scarlet
You should have spaced them out. Man.

Mitchell
Well, pretty much nothing I’m getting you for either one is for either other one.

Scarlet
Okay.

Mitchell
So, there. That is exciting.

Scarlet
What else did you do last week?

Mitchell
I don’t know. What? Oh, you’re really going off my list. I just made this list. So now, and I, because I have my glass on, we talked about the drain. Boy, this episode’s flying by, everybody. I know you’re excited. Boy, all the people hitting the like and subscribes right now, because they’re just like, this is awesome. Follow us on Spotify and Apple Podcasts.

Scarlet
I’m trying to get to a place here that…

Mitchell
Oh, well, it’s not drain. Christmas? You don’t have to use names, by the way. I do that next week. Okay, here’s what, this is true. Last week, so day after my birthday, I attended a funeral. That’s what you’re asking me about? Mm-hmm. Yes. I attended a funeral of a young man who is, I’m not going to say I knew him other than he was good friends. My 19-year-old daughter and he were good friends. Grew up since.

Scarlet
Olivia. Olivia.

Mitchell
She has been on here before. Olivia, our guest. Good friends. Since like, I want to say grade school, she could correct me. maybe i don’t know all the way back first grade but very young the reason because she once told some funny story about she came home and had like i don’t remember entirely but she was like kind of blushing i was like what’s going on she’s oh i think her and this gentleman i’m not saying his name just because i don’t know i just being respectful yeah so we’re um swinging and then i was like oh he’s swinging i in that you know if you swing at the same time when you’re a kid that means you’re like married or your boyfriend or girlfriend or something like that right right something and i was like oh and i was like do you like him and she was all blushing there was some So she liked this guy and this young boy as well. So anyways, they grew up. They were never romantically involved that I know of. I think it became one of those, and I’m probably going to get this wrong. I feel like it was like one of those, oh, so what about so-and-so? Ooh! Like he was, I think, more like a brother or like that kind of relationship over time. They’d spent so much time together. Or maybe secretly. Nonetheless. I don’t know. Good friends with her. Only Olivia knows. And he’s a neighbor. I’m like.

Scarlet
A very close.

Mitchell
Yeah, like I can throw stuff in their yard if I wanted to. I would never do that. Neighbor, anyways, he, young man, and mother and brother are left behind, older brother. He was 19, motorcycle accident, and kind of tragic, you know, only individual involved in that. And so, and he passed away within, you know, survived, but only to the hospital, which is, it’s very sad. I attended this funeral. I’m sorry, I get sidetracked. I was just giving a backstory to this particular person’s relationship to me. And I had given him rides. So when I always commented on his hair, he had really good hair. He always had long hair. Although sometimes he looked a little ratted, but maybe that’s just young men. But good long hair. So I was always like, yeah. And he kind of went down. But I gave him rides because he lived close, et cetera. Went to that. That was up at a church, like a Christian church locally. and that was actually yeah it was a was it a good time i don’t know if it was a good time but um it was funny because you were like oh you’re gonna be the guy crying or whatever i cried beforehand and i had struggled to go into the main area the main you know arena what do you want to call it right the room and there was no viewing and there’s no casket or anything it was just like

Scarlet
i was like you did have a lot of tears before do you want to talk about that oh the week leading For someone who you’re like, I knew, but didn’t know that well, but I knew. But it’s almost, I don’t know. It still is weird even when they’re, what’s the word I’m looking for? Adjacent? Sure. Yeah.

Mitchell
Yeah. No, I did cry a lot over this kid. Oh, you’re trying to give me to cry on the episode as you like to? No, I cried a lot. And it’s weird because, and I felt, I sort of felt guilty and weird crying over a person, a young man that I didn’t really know, right? I knew, like you said, adjacent. But I felt so deeply, it was so tragic. I couldn’t stop thinking about his mom and brother. And even my own daughter, like she in Minnesota, I was wondering like, what is her experience? How is she, this is her first death of a friend, you know? She’s not had to deal with this yet. in her life or a family you know no one you know she had a grandfather or some things but no one that’s been close to her and her age and untimely death right so but i just it bothered me because i kept thinking about this mom and because i knew not exactly but very closely like so my brother

Scarlet
passed away yeah i was gonna ask about yeah if that if that’s why i think knowing how those feel knowing those feelings of losing a brother.

Mitchell
Right.

Scarlet
And knowing what a mother goes through losing a child.

Mitchell
No, I definitely think that I was very internally, like, we’re not connected, but I was just sympathetic, empathetic towards them because all I could imagine was what they were experiencing or what I imagined they were experiencing, having gone through a very similar experience with an untimely death of a younger person. So I, yeah, I would look out the window at their house and I would just like, it would just crush my soul because all I thought was like, these four people, I can’t like, what am I going to do? And I don’t know them well enough that I’m just going to like stroll over there and they don’t need me to. Right. Yeah. I guess what I’m saying is like, it is bothering me so deeply because I mean, I mean, it just is so sad, very sad. And there becomes that, like, you know, the brother thinking all the things they could have, should have, would have done. Or what if I could have changed the course of events. And then, like, his mom, like, it makes me sad to think of a mom, like, when you say goodnight to our little boy, I always think. And now I think of this young man. I think, like, what that mom would not give for one more hug, one more kiss, like, one more moment with her son. Like, so I think of that. Or the brother. Like, I would give anything to give my brother just one more, like, hug. You know, a brotherly, like, whatever. So, it did. It bothered me that whole week. Like, I struggled to, like, keep it together. And it’s so weird. Why does it bother me? I mean, it shouldn’t be cold not bother me, but it does. It’s deeply affected me. At least it’s almost like a, hey, don’t forget, buddy. Like almost like, I’ll say a wake up call. That’s too cliche. But I do. I try to now, I think, I look out the window, I look at their house and I think of, you know, the phase that they’re in. Because I swear when my brother, like everything leading up to the funeral was a blur. It’s just this, that, you’re picking out a casket, all this stuff. And then when it happened and then my brother.

Scarlet
No, I’m laughing because I’m thinking of the picking out the casket and the stories you have about it. Because they have the little mini casket.

Mitchell
They’re like, I don’t think he’s going to fit in this one.

Scarlet
And the way that your family copes using humor, which…

Mitchell
Copes or deflects. I like to think of it as we just don’t deal with our real feelings. But yeah, so I remember, and then I remember like, we had the funeral, and then I stayed after. And this is where I’d learned to, boy, a funeral episode, but I learned that it’s not like in the movies, at least not my experience. And I’ve been to many funerals. They didn’t do like at the end of the graveside service. We had a funeral in church for my brother in the graveside service. And it wasn’t like we went. And then at the end, a couple of guys, you know, somebody played a bagpipe. And some guys were slowly lowering the casket down. I remember asking the funeral guys, like, oh, when do you guys lower the casket down? I’m like, oh, that’s not part of that. That’s not how it works. Like, that’s normally not like a thing. And I was like.

Scarlet
We didn’t bring any instruments for this.

Mitchell
I thought there was a couple guys who were going to rock climbing ropes and slowly lower them down while we play bagpipes. And then it walks by and chucks the dirt or whatever. They’re just like, no. And I realize that that might happen, but that’s my understanding. That’s not the norm, per se. That is a very dramatic version that we see. And certainly there might be cultures that everyone wants to toss a little dirt on the top of the casket. something anyways the other i’ve been to my grandma’s been to other funerals did not see this anyway so my brother everyone left i remember asking the guy he’s like no but it was just me my brother’s best friend and one of his old uh girlfriends and i was the guy was like but if you guys want to hang around we’re gonna lower him down and i was like let’s do it you know and so they like cranked down this thing lowered it all the way down and i think i did uh like once someone chuck that flower chuck drop the flower in there but it was just the three of us so it was kind of cool because it was just me and and i and my brother’s closest friend group and you know tossing some dirt in and then after that we went and had um my uncle jim who is also no longer with

Scarlet
us uh he at his house big old like all the family everyone’s in town oh yeah i forgot a big old oh

Mitchell
big old blowout and then like just like partying it up if you will that makes it we weren’t partying nobody’s drinking at this it was just like yeah karaoke just being goofy whatever and then like once that was done and then we kind of everyone goes to their homes and everything dies down and i feel i remember that and that’s like maybe six days after he died it was at that point at night that i i remember just kind of almost like cracking like a fissure and i like that kind of violent, sobbing, crying. And I remember like that was when I remember thinking that for me, that’s when I could finally like exhale. And then the actual processing began, like the whole like thing. The days leading up to that were just like, there were tears, but you know, like you just feel like you’ve made it through everything you have to do for everyone else and for all the stuff. And now you get to deal with you, which sucks, but it’s also important. So I remember thinking that too, that same day after the funeral, I was thinking about that mom and brother and thinking like, you know at some point i think you know it’s going to be like now they’re going to have that quiet that settles in where it’s like oh no and i think that too like the moments where she’s expecting to see him when she turns the corner or coming home or looking in his blank room where there’s nothing where he’s not in there like all those little experiences i like i want to take away from her not really but i want i don’t want her to have to deal with that which i don’t even know this lady that well like to be to say that i mean she’s she’s funny lady too she’s nice but i just so it’s bothered me in a weird way but it’s inspired me to remember like when i give our little boy hugging a kiss goodnight like hey treasure every single time even when he’s being a real jackswell and you

Scarlet
just like and that’s his um alter ego so we have for him right yeah when he’s being a little jackswell

Mitchell
But I think it’s kind of interesting that, and it hasn’t been that long, but I think of this young man every day, and I just think he was pretty cool and had just a lot of things in his life. And I think to myself, don’t get too caught up in one thing or another, and don’t take anything for granted. I don’t know. So that was my excitement, too. Birthday and then a funeral.

Scarlet
And then a birthday dinner celebration. after that.

Mitchell
That’s right. And then out to dinner again.

Scarlet
With a very interesting waiter experience.

Mitchell
Mmm. Oh, yeah. What was that? Chase or Chance?

Scarlet
I don’t know.

Mitchell
Yeah. That was our recent restaurant. We went to Olympia Provisions downtown Portland.

Scarlet
Mm-hmm.

Mitchell
And they… And that was…

Scarlet
We’re pivoting.

Mitchell
Oh, sorry. Did you have something to comment on funerals? Funeral talk?

Scarlet
No. I can save my story for after this.

Mitchell
Your heartwarming story.

Scarlet
The story of a funeral.

Mitchell
Just a little girl and a funeral.

Scarlet
Well, we could also talk about how this funeral made you start questioning.

Mitchell
Oh, where you want to go there.

Scarlet
No, I don’t want to go there right now. But all of a sudden, Mitchell’s listening to like Christian music. And this whole time, he has been the one afraid that I’m secretly reading the Bible behind his back and getting on my hands and knees and praying to Jesus Christ, our Lord and superstar.

Mitchell
And there are worse things you could be doing.

Scarlet
And I am spiritual. I believe we are all connected. I believe there is a source that connects all of us. But I am no longer religious. I have been there, done that, broken out of that box. I mean, for people who are Christian light, this isn’t that. And I’ll tell you a little bit later about the cult-like church that I did grow up in. Right. Because I’m going to start doing a little bit on that. And then I think you should start doing your bits on your, not to like.

Mitchell
Oh.

Scarlet
I just, because I think there are good and bad people everywhere.

Mitchell
everywhere. Yeah. But they don’t have to, not everyone in the box on Sunday’s bad. Not everyone’s good. Yes. Yeah. No, that’s true. That’s true. Well, yeah, I, because, okay, I’ll talk about real quick. There was a song sung at the end of this service called In Your Midst by Allie Page. And I’ve never heard this song in my life until this, this memorial service. And I was like, oh, And it was like during the song, I was like, I was just struck by like the, what it’s trying to get at in this idea. And we’ve talked since, so I can’t say when some of these ideas came to me. But I was like, this idea of your suffering and you long for belonging. And of course, in this song, it’s like through this Lord and Savior, and they want to be protected under the wings, and they want to be known, and they want to know the Lord and be known. This is doing the most Christian podcast. But no, so I’m not trying to make this.

Scarlet
But you’ve been listening to this on repeat.

Mitchell
Well, because there’s something about the words that resonate with me in the sense, I keep telling you, and I’m not going to belittle anything. There’s parts of Christianity that just do not work for me. So that’s not my flavor. But I think this idea, this longing that I find in my own self, longing to belong and to feel accepted and to feel protected. And I think that’s humans. You want to feel protected at times when you’re vulnerable or you feel unsafe. You want to feel that embrace. So I think there was something about the words in this song that resonated with me with this idea. Because I feel like I’m very much searching for something that I don’t have. And I didn’t find it. Jesus. I’m kidding. Because I never want to take away anyone’s religious beliefs.

Scarlet
I agree.

Mitchell
And I told you, I had this moment where I was like, these people here, and I never thought they were bad. I said, I’m jealous that they’ve arrived at something that I can’t get to. It’s just their path isn’t working for me. It doesn’t all add and work for me. But at the same time, just that generalized sense of wanting to feel like someone truly known. And we talk about this just in our relationship, how sometimes I feel like I just want to, like, I never, I will never know anyone, including you, exactly what you think and feel. You can share with me, but I will never know, right? I might want to. And something about that.

Scarlet
You probably don’t want to.

Mitchell
Well, yeah. Well, that’s, we talk about the inside world. We’re like, oh, if you only knew what I was thinking, right? I don’t even know if this shirt looks good. I just threw it on because it looked warm. Well, we’re here now. But that’s what’s inside, but the inside world. So that idea of having some supernatural being, I’ll just call it that, that knows you and how you feel and what you’re thinking. And that idea, I think, is comforting. So for me, it’s like this song, there is an amount of comfort in the thought of this, in the words and the expression. It’s a really good music. I mean, it’s nice. It’s lovely. So it is, yeah, something. And I’ve listened to other stuff and it doesn’t resonate for whatever reason. And it might be the way it was implanted in me at the end of this wonderful service for this young man. And then kind of this idea. And it was his favorite song, or one of his favorite songs. So it was kind of interesting. Anyway, so there, enough of that. We can talk religion later. So how about your week? How’s your two weeks been? So I can hydrate my vocal cords.

Scarlet
No, it’s fine. Okay. So I’m going to start.

Mitchell
I’m breathing garlic tonkatsu.

Scarlet
We’re about, what, 30 minutes in?

Mitchell
Yeah. Give or take.

Scarlet
So I’m going to start a little expose piece.

Mitchell
You always start new features and bits that you don’t really run except for one episode. And I love that.

Scarlet
But this is part of me.

Mitchell
Yeah. That’s what I love. This is part of the bit. It’s beautiful. Oh, yeah. I’m so tired.

Scarlet
Yeah. So I don’t know. I’m not going to do my I’m so tired of because I feel like it’s, I don’t know, might offend some people. So this is my little bit I’m going to talk about becoming an exvangelical.

Mitchell
Okay. This is where I always look at the time of recording so I don’t have to edit anything.

Scarlet
No, it’s not going to be like that. Okay. I’ve talked to you a little about the church I grew up in, right? Yeah. It’s not a megachurch. What defines a megachurch? It was 500 people or less. I think even on its best day, the auditorium could seat 1,000, but I don’t think they were ever over 500.

Mitchell
Okay.

Scarlet
And this is Southern Baptist? Southern Baptists are liberal compared to these. Well, your church. This is a fundamental Baptist church. Do you know what fundamental means?

Mitchell
Well, I know that it doesn’t include fun.

Scarlet
It doesn’t.

Mitchell
I mean, the word does.

Scarlet
It’s a lot of like… Mental. Growing up as a child and thinking, oh, I lied to my mom and dad. I’m going to go to hell because I’m not saved. Like it’s a lot of that. It’s a lot of fear. Fire and brimstone. It is really fear-based.

Mitchell
Okay.

Scarlet
Religion. And fundamental means they believe the Bible is inherent. Like what the Bible says is what went down. The earth is 6,000 years old. Noah built an ark and put two of everything on it. You know, that’s a true story.

Mitchell
Yeah.

Scarlet
According to these people. Okay. Okay. And so, with that being said, the name of the church is Temple Baptist Church in Mount Arie, North Carolina. It is still around. You can look it up, listener. If they get swatted, it’s not because of our podcast. I’m going to use names.

Mitchell
Oof. It’s a…

Scarlet
Because… Too much dateline in your life. Yeah.

Mitchell
Okay.

Scarlet
Because these people ain’t good people.

Mitchell
Okay.

Scarlet
And I am going to start my expose. And I have so many stories that I could tell from picking up marginalized kids in a trailer park and indoctrinating them. And then having them bring their piggy bank money to donate to the church.

Mitchell
Right.

Scarlet
When we did the chest of Joe Ash once a year. Think about how messed up that is. And then it was like, oh, look at these little kids. They’re like bringing in their – these kids are poor. We should be giving to them. You know? But – and the thing like the church bought the pastor who makes untaxed money bought him a $60,000 Chrysler 300. Like just – yep, we’re voting on it. Everybody, okay, enough people voted on it. We’re buying it with our cash money, whatever. Like, just, it was so, I mean, I could go on for days and days. But this is just one story, okay?

Mitchell
Okay.

Scarlet
So, the pastor’s name is Zane Fishel. Okay. His wife’s name is Amy. I was wondering if I should get like a pad and paper and just kind of draw some figures. Right. So over here, you have Zane and Amy, and that’s the pastor and his wife. And then you have Amy’s friend, Stephanie, who’s over here. And then here you have my mom and dad who are in the midst of a separation. Okay. Okay? And then I’m over here at college because it’s 2010, like my sophomore year of college. Right. And my brother is still living with my mom. No, he’s living with my dad at the time because they were living in separate areas, still working on separating. Right. things okay it’s the spring of 2010 my parents are starting the process of their separation meanwhile my dad has been working on renovating stephanie’s house stephanie is friend of zane and amy is the best friend of amy okay okay he’s been working on her house for several months stephanie’s best friends with amy like i said grown women in their 40s they have sleepovers together stephanie had bought a massage table for amy to keep at stephanie’s house because amy had been in a four-wheeler accident many years prior and she had a lot of pains from this really she was just too lazy to exercise and she just kept gaining more and more weight and i’m not here to body shame but it’s this these are just the truths okay and i feel like

Mitchell
like you’re getting nervous no no no no okay so i’m hearing i’m just hearing the facts she was she was demonstrating obesity and she did not appear to work out or exercise right so stephanie

Scarlet
would help her with her physical therapy yeah that’s and bought a massage table for her house to use for as a part of amy’s physical therapy so amy is married to zane obviously they have two daughters who are in their upper teens at this point. While my dad is working on Stephanie’s house, Zane, the pastor, starts really pushing Stephanie and my dad together. Like, oh, you two or so, you have such good banter. You guys might make a good couple. My dad starts going, hmm, you know, she is like a decent looking woman. So, why did Zane start pushing my dad and Stephanie together. Like, that’s weird. Well, because at this time, rumors are flying around the church that Amy and Stephanie are having some sort of inappropriate relationship. Okay. I don’t knock whatever you do in the privacy of your…

Mitchell
Massage table?

Scarlet
If you want to explore, you go explore, but don’t be hypocrites about it, okay? Don’t go, you know, standing up, singing, testifying. And Amy was like the big singer and the big, you know, she’s a preacher’s wife. She has a big presence in the church. She would get up there and, you know, they were all like fire and brimstone about gay people and this and that. Because fundamentalists, right? Yeah. Okay. So, so Zane starts pushing my dad and Stephanie together because rumors are just swirling. And he is in full-blown damage control.

Mitchell
So, in other words, what I’m hearing, I’m just explaining to the listeners what they already heard. Which is, there’s rumors about Amy and Stephanie. So, in order to kind of make the rumors seem illegitimate, Zane is pushing your father into a relationship with Stephanie. Correct. Those are the rumors.

Scarlet
Correct. And my dad is lonely. He’s vulnerable. So, he takes the bait. Like, he’s been with my mom for going on 20 years. She cheated. My mom cheated on my dad emotionally, physically, with at least 12 men. My brother and I counted. She will never admit to this. Okay. But we have made the list of names because we were kind of always in the orbit of these men. Right. And, yeah. So, we knew them. We knew they hung out a lot. We were like, why are we going to so-and-so’s work? Like, that doesn’t make any sense. Right. It was always weird stuff. You don’t think about it when you’re a kid, but when you think about it when you’re older, you’re like, oh, well, let’s write that name down because that was a weird experience. So my dad’s wounded. He’s been cheated on. And before, listener, if you’re like, oh, this poor, sweet man. No, he was a terrible husband. He was incredibly selfish. Him and my mom never did anything together. They didn’t like the same TV shows. They didn’t like the same food. He wanted to go to the same restaurant every single weekend. It was just, he is such a creature of habit. And even to this day, you know this, we’ll go visit him. And I’m like, you and I will just go do whatever because you know he’s going to want to go eat here. And I don’t want to go eat there. But we’re also not going to throw him off his routine. Right. Because then you got to hear him whine about it.

Mitchell
Yeah. You know, it’s easier to just go along, you know, either go with him or don’t try to move him out of there.

Scarlet
just don’t just leave him in his routine status quo yes just don’t change it so my dad was always incredibly selfish and i i think he just saw that from his own upbringing and just kind of carried that forward with him right well this is what it is the man just does what he wants and goes out on his tractor when he wants doesn’t show up to your kids softball games you’re sorry my um yeah

Mitchell
And Clay loves softball, and that’s just too bad.

Scarlet
So now my repressed childhood traumas are starting to come out a little bit. I know, right? Okay, so anyway, so my dad starts falling for Stephanie. And my brother, as my brother’s helping with the last of my dad’s things, moving him out of my mom’s house, my mom knows that my dad is seeing Stephanie at this point. And she is on her hands and knees begging my brother, please don’t go over there to her house please don’t please don’t you know it was it was like the moment that my mom realized like oh my gosh my marriage is really over i really screwed the pooch right you know and my dad and she was like she never thought my dad would find anybody else and now he’s found somebody else and she’s just trying to hang on with any little grasp that she can she’s like texting my dad like i’ll do anything for you to get you back and my dad’s like nope I’m good like I got this new toy over here I’m gonna go play with it for a little bit right so fast forward to 2012 2010 to 2012 my dad and Stephanie have been on again off again mostly on and when they were off my dad would call and talk to me and he would say things like I think you’re right I think there’s something really strange um she’s not very affectionate towards me but she says it’s because we’re not married she is in her 40s yeah okay i heard that like we’re not 19 year old virgins over here okay like family friendly yep so he you know when they were off he would i would validate him i’d be like you were absolutely right i’ve always known that there was something off about this and i would talk to him about her relationship with amy and i’m like it is super weird that like like your friend your best friend zane is also kind of forcing you and like encouraging this and if you’re not happy then drop it and leave it you know you know you’re not working on her house anymore you got nothing left to lose well they get back together because pressure’s mounting more rumors are swirling we’re two years in now and these rumors are still going on it’s really not helping that they sit together in church and rub each other’s hair right and pet each other it’s right there with your own eyeballs people so yeah my dad calls me maybe around spring summer of 2013 and he says that me and stephanie are back together and i just wanted to let you know like he was seeking my approval right and i was just like no this is not a good idea you know where i stand with her you know what i think this like you’re her beard is that all you want to be yeah so and he kind of hosing homes and he’s like well this is what you know this is how it is and you know i’m just gonna see where things go she’s gonna see where things go i don’t think much about the conversation i’m like it’s just gonna end after a few weeks anyways figured it would run his course winter of that year 2013 my mom and brother come out to Washington to visit me. One morning we’re going about our day. I remember I was like in the kitchen making coffee and my mom sitting on the couch scrolling through her phone. Big surprise. Wow. I know. She’s never on her phone when she’s here.

Mitchell
That seems, this is weird now. And then all of a sudden my mom goes,

Scarlet
oh my God, Scarlet, I’m so sorry. And I look at her and I’m like, what? Who died? What happened? And she’s like, oh my God, I’m so sorry. And I’m like, what happened? And she said, your dad and Stephanie got married yesterday. And I just remember, I don’t even think, I just remember processing it for a minute and then like sobbing. And I mean, if I were the person I am now, I wouldn’t have been sobbing. I would have been like, well, you go on and screw up your life. You know, bye. But I think I was much more emotionally involved with my family still then. And not really my own person yet. I was still kind of figuring out my way.

Mitchell
Right.

Scarlet
And so the fact that he did that and didn’t tell me. And not only did he do it. He got on an airplane for the first time in his entire adult life. And flew to Arizona to marry this woman. because she wanted to have a wedding in Sedona, Arizona. I’ve been living in Washington for two years and he never visited me. Selfish, I’m telling you. But he got on a plane for her, flew to Arizona, married her, had pictures taken and posted on Facebook. It was her Facebook. And thinking I wouldn’t, and that’s how I found out. So I didn’t talk to him for a year. Christmas came and went.

Mitchell
And had he tried to reach out to you at all?

Scarlet
Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. But to my recollection, it was never like, I shouldn’t have done it that way. I’m so sorry. It was something like, my brother probably went home and told him, you know, what I was, how things went down with me. And he was just like, oh, I’m just going to like text her Merry Christmas. And, you know, maybe she’ll, no, no. I don’t think it was until I finally, after a year later, I don’t know why, but I finally called him. And granted, the marriage only lasted three months. So, yeah. Oh, Mark. I know. Marriage only lasted for three months because. And they only consummated the marriage. Well, once and only once. okay yeah that’s all he could get out of you know burning all the bridges with your daughter

Mitchell
losing her trust forever i’m sure amy was there to help stephanie through this time

Scarlet
she you know stephanie would say my dad later when he was more open with me about what transpired over those three months, it was the same thing of like, well, you know, she would say my snoring was too bad. So she would go sleep in the guest room with Amy. So Amy is still sleeping over at the house at this time at Stephanie’s house. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. So when my dad went to tell Zane, you know, Zane, this marriage is not working. Pastor Zane. I’m really unhappy. Zane said, you better make it work or I will take away your Sunday school class.

Mitchell
Oh, yeah.

Scarlet
And my, that Sunday school class, it was like eight to 10 year old boys. Like my dad, that was just, that was his thing. You know, he loved teaching. He, that class meant a lot to him. He had had that Sunday school class. It would be like going up to your dad and being like, you, you need to like take a step back from like, like doing the church finances because I don’t know it would be something that had given his life as I know I know somebody something really within the church that gave him meaning a sense of purpose and meaning and that he enjoyed yeah and Zane was like if you can’t make this marriage work I will take it away well he couldn’t make the marriage work and he took away his Sunday school class and My dad stayed at that church for another two years. Creature of habit. I know. My brother and I would be like, and he’s like, well, I’m just there to hear the word of God. No, it doesn’t matter whose mouth it’s coming out of. I’m like, it is coming out of the mouth of a freaking snake who could be Satan himself. Because that is how little I think of this vile man. Because I have so many stories about this vile, awful human.

Mitchell
Well, when you said Zane, that was all I needed to hear. Well, I’m sorry. It’s like the name Zane. Yeah. And he’s still a pastor at Temple Sunday.

Scarlet
Yeah. Mount Temple area.

Mitchell
Yeah.

Scarlet
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, again, I could go on about him also trying to hide and protect pedophiles in that I could go on about that. I have many stories to tell, but this, when, I don’t know, when people are like, oh, you should like come join a church in like Westland. I cannot even tell you how immediately turned off I am by that because of my experience. And it’s like, oh, well, not every church is like, I’ve seen enough. I don’t need to see, I don’t need any more. Like I am finding my own way and I’m really happy with that. That is not my way anymore.

Mitchell
Well, and it’s like, and I hear both sides of this. Because one, that’s your experience. And so you’ve like, and I don’t think your experience is unique. I mean, it’s unique. Your own experience is unique. I’m saying there’s probably people in the same church have the same stories, and people in other churches with the same stories all over, like of this kind of thing, which is unfortunate because, you know, churches, if indeed they believe they’re being led by God or their God, there’s still the problem that it’s men who are doing this. Men and women. I’m just saying like humans, always full of error and problems. And unfortunately, too many get in positions of power like that, which is kind of like, you know, it’s sad. So what I’m saying is you got that. And there’s places that are probably good, but you’ve said, I’m not willing to. risk my emotional and spiritual, whatever you want to call it, credit to find out that that could happen again, aside from whether you believe or not. I mean, that’s why you’re saying I’m full up. I appreciate it. But yeah, that’s not.

Scarlet
I really felt like, especially with that church, the worship was less about God and more about worshiping of the pastor as like this head figure.

Mitchell
And the money probably.

Scarlet
Yeah.

Mitchell
I mean, always kind of the…

Scarlet
He was really big on the money. He was really big on people who weren’t paying their tithes.

Mitchell
Right.

Scarlet
Getting down to why people weren’t paying their tithes. See, the one that met and said… Yes.

Mitchell
Met with your dad and your dad…

Scarlet
A year after my dad left the church, my dad agreed to a lunch with Zane. They had been really good friends, allegedly.

Mitchell
Right.

Scarlet
For many years. We would go out to eat after church every Sunday night with their family. You know, like we were, I would go stay at Zane and Amy’s house.

Mitchell
Zane and Amy and Stephanie would be there, but I’m just saying like.

Scarlet
This was before, well, this was before Amy. I mean, Stephanie came in the picture kind of on the, like the breath of like when I was about to go to college. It’s kind of when she started entering the church picture, like she started becoming more involved. And like, yeah, so I was kind of already on the outskirts in college figuring out. I was going to a Baptist college, but it was pretty progressive.

Mitchell
Right.

Scarlet
and um very yeah we’ll just say pretty progressive and so i was starting to figure out oh my gosh you can still be a christian and like believe these like people are still good people even if x y and z right like that was my that was my first like fissure and starting to crack you know like like a little chicken just like tap that crack and be like oh okay now there’s the sunlight and the rainbows and it’s okay you know like they are good they’re good humans here having their own human experience like we’re all having but i can’t even tell you there’s just like a darkness in that church like i can’t i still have dreams about it sometimes like just a heaviness and like the only church you knew growing up that was the main one okay that was that one was present in probably like 12 years of my life you know from maybe till the time i was 10 to 22 years old i was still even in college i was still coming home on the weekends and going to church with my family right but also starting to sit in the pew and be a little more like hmm yeah is that well that doesn’t make any sense that doesn’t seem to vibe yeah yeah so okay yeah so that is a little story

Mitchell
Your beginning expose.

Scarlet
Of becoming an exvangelical. Thank you for listening.

Mitchell
By Scarlet Shelton. Next week on Exvangelical.

Scarlet
Yeah.

Mitchell
Okay.

Scarlet
I got lots of stories. I could write a book.

Mitchell
We might have to have a spinoff podcast. I don’t have a witty title for it.

Scarlet
And this is not knocking anybody’s religion. This is more knocking. I’m intentionally knocking a church. because I think it is a hateful, awful place. So don’t go there. Look them up online. Leave them a one-star review like I did.

Mitchell
Well, it is. I mean, it’s unfortunate. I don’t know. Well, I don’t know the size of Mount Airy. 30,000 people?

Scarlet
Sure.

Mitchell
I don’t know. More or less. I have no idea. It’s one of these places. There’s a church on every other corner, too, because it’s the south?

Scarlet
It is, yeah. Yeah. Mount Airy, also known as Mayberry. It’s where Andy Griffith grew up. It is what Mayberry is mirrored after.

Mitchell
Right. So I guess I’m just thinking like…

Scarlet
Was voted friendliest town in America at some point. Well, which town was it? The least friendly church. Okay.

Mitchell
Well, I guess because I was going to say if it’s the only game in town, but it probably sounds like…

Scarlet
No, there were, like just on that strip of road, there were probably five churches.

Mitchell
Right.

Scarlet
I would pass probably eight churches on my way to church.

Mitchell
I mean, it’s interesting because there are areas I’ve traveled where there’s a lot of churches. And there’s a lot of churches. In small towns, too. Sometimes you drive through and you’re like, there is a lot of churches. It makes you all… I always wonder. It’s like… Well, I don’t know. Sometimes I’m like, it seems like there’s more churches than dental offices. And how many people are going to the church versus a dental office? Well, okay. I’m not picking on dentists or people who don’t go. I’m just saying.

Scarlet
I will tell everybody, though. karma really came back around oh because stephanie lost her job with bank of america

Mitchell
she lost her house well she lost her husband so she lost her husband

Scarlet
and i think she was like having to live with family for a while now i’m not sitting here saying like that you know you know what no i’m gonna say it i think she deserved but she never should have done that too yeah even my father who was as flawed as he is he was really hopeful about this one i warned him there were nothing but red flags for miles yeah it makes you think is like uh

Mitchell
yeah did your dad even ever acknowledge that she may have not been a uh oh yeah a straight woman yes okay yes like he okay even before he can i told you see now like okay well

Scarlet
i haven’t talked to him much about it because it’s pretty sensitive subject for us yeah

Mitchell
but what if she started straight but after that marriage no i by the way she was four years old never married no kids like and i want to make it clear i know we are a family friendly show

Scarlet
no cats

Mitchell
weird we that we we welcome all types and kinds weird the story isn’t also if it sounded derogatory around Stephanie’s orientation oh no that has nothing to do

Scarlet
I am super

Mitchell
it didn’t come across to me but I just want to make sure

Scarlet
I embrace all kinds

Mitchell
we are a pride rainbow family here

Scarlet
and if you are going to be that then be don’t

Mitchell
you know

Scarlet
don’t be a demon queen come out proud and I I fully you have my full support I did I embrace you I know that I just want to make it very yeah so but don’t be a demon queen and like drag my family’s good name through the mud with you

Mitchell
okay all right we’re gonna get kind of near the end of the whole thing here I’m not editing this no thank you no thank you for sharing your expose your ex

Scarlet
was it boring or was it interesting I thought about a lot of stuff I was thinking about doing

Mitchell
I mean, while you were talking.

Scarlet
Oh, wow. You weren’t really listening.

Mitchell
I’m just kidding. No, I was listening. I really was. I’ve heard some of these stories, but it’s just like you’re starting to thread it. You’re doing the weave. You’re bringing them all together.

Scarlet
Yeah, I’m trying to. That’s why I made notes so I could stay on topic because then I’ll get off onto, oh, and then there was this one time where this, you know, this person did and I won’t find my way back.

Mitchell
You’re hoping for a spinoff podcast. I can tell.

Scarlet
No.

Mitchell
One of those like Dirty Johns or where it’s like the expose style documentary. I don’t have to fly out and get some audio interviews back in Mount Airy. I can quit my job finally. Oh, well. So I guess until… Merry Christmas to everyone.

Scarlet
Merry Christmas. Or Happy Holidays. Happy Holidays.

Mitchell
Toyota Thon. I don’t care.

Scarlet
It’s all the same for me.

Mitchell
Or Honda Days, right? Happy Honda Days. Toyota-thon, which way ever your family goes, it’s okay.

Scarlet
Yeah.

Mitchell
Other than that, this is…

Scarlet
Doing the most with Scarlet and Mitchell. And Mitchell. Bye